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Yesterday I had a discussion with my dad.

My dad who is 50 years old.

My dad who is comitted to environmental rights.

Who fights for environmental and social justice.

Who is not a homophobe nor racist.

Who is a cis, straight, white male.

My dad who is a feminist.

Yet my dad who does not understand gender identity.

I started by telling him how proud I was that at school we were producing an adaptation of Alice in Wonderland by having a gender queer, non-binary main character named Alex who uses the pronoun 'they'.

*Queue confused dad face*

"I don't get that."

So I asked him why. He understood the difference between gender and sex, however he was saying how he found it hard to call someone who so obviously looked like a 'girl', a 'he'. Let alone 'they'. And I understand that it's hard- honestly it's hard for me too. But I refuse to place the challenge in front of the person's preference. I mean, we have to ask ourselves, why is it so hard? It's because of how our society has been constructed since the beginning of civilizations. But now it's 2015. And if our society's formation oppresses some, it's time to trash old norms and stereotypes and embrace the present. I truly envision a 2030 where some progressive schools in countries such as Sweden will normalize introducing oneself with preferred pronouns.

Our discussion moved forward from that and divulged into language issues. The truth is, languages such as French and Italian still pertain such sexist, old-fshioned rules which should only be deemed as offensive. Many professions do not even offer the feminine, such as surgeon and academic, therefore indirectly, yet eternally, diminishing women's roles in society. If our words cannot even catch up to present day, how will we teach our thoughts to adapt?

The problem lies in every little detail of our community. An oppressive community which only cares for the white sheep, the crowd of robots taught only to conform and discriminate against the little black sheep at the back. Everything around us has been gendered. From clothes, to toys and colours. Every little thing has been given characteristics such as 'girly' or 'manly', which in reality, are only abstract concepts and shouldn't mean anything to us in an ideal world. When I say 'feminine', you think of weakness, of feelings and flowers, while 'masculine' transmits a sense of strength, indestructability, yet perhaps emotional numbness. But why do you think of pink and blue? Why do you think of dresses and pants? Capitalism, society and stereotypes have gendered objects, ultimately making them conform.

When I told my father that my male friend wears stilettos to school he said, dumbfounded, "I didn't know they made those for men,"

I half laughed and half cried.

No. They don't make those for men. And technically, they don't make them for women either. Because shoes have no gender. Because my guy friend walking around in heels is defying the very idea of our society and proving just how fucked up it is.

In the end, he admitted I was right through everything I said, yet he would still have a hard time with the idea as he is old and not a part of this new generation. And I said that's exactly the problem. You cannot excuse yourself with your age. No matter how old you are we all live in the same reality and you either embrace it or you force a continuous society of discrimination and homogeneity. Would you allow your grandmother to still use the n word?

#nonbinary #genderqueer #queer